要是有一則笑話解決不了的事，那就兩則笑話，看笑話，能讓我們變得開心，今天小編為大家準備了英語幽默故事笑話，歡迎閱讀!
英語幽默故事笑話一：我把他吊起來晾乾 I hung him up to dry
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."
Jim和Mary都是精神病院裡的病人。一天，他們沿著醫院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來。
當院長聽聞了Mary的英勇行為後，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進了自己的辦公室.
“Mary，我有一個好訊息和一個壞訊息要告訴你。好訊息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說明你的意識已經恢復了，你可以出院了。壞訊息就是，Jim，你救的`那個病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”
Mary說：“他沒有自殺，是我把他吊起來好讓他晾乾。”
英語幽默故事笑話二：我家的聰明狗會買報紙 The Clever Dog
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.
"How much did you give him?" asked the owner.
"Five dollars."
"Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie."
一位養狗人宣稱：要是給了愛犬錢，它便會到報亭買份報紙來。他的朋友堅持要來做個演示，並給了狗一些錢。狗一溜小跑著去了。但一個小時過去了，仍不見它帶報紙回來。
“你給了它多少錢?”狗的主人問。
“五元。”
“這就是了。你給它五元錢時，它就去看電影。”
英語幽默故事笑話三：提早大搶購 Early Big Shopping
An offender was brought to trial before a judge. The judge asked him, "What is the crime you have committed?"
The offender said, "I went shopping too early during the New Year."
The judge said, "This is not a crime! Is there a mistake, perhaps? So how early did you go shopping?"
He answered, "The shop was not yet open for business, and I was already inside."
有個犯人被帶到法官面前審案，法官問他:“你犯了什麼罪?”
犯人說：“因為我在新年時，太早去採購了。”
法官說：“這不是罪呀!可能是弄錯吧?那你多早去採購呢?”
他說：‘商店還沒開門，我就已經進去了。’
英語幽默故事笑話四：漂亮的結婚禮物 The Nice Wedding Gift
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.
Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
我們參加了一個熟人的兒子的婚禮。由於我們都不認識那個年輕人和他的新娘，所以我們決定送給他們一個實用的全家禮----一個滅火器。
很明顯，這對新人大批量製作了他們的感謝信，因為我們收到了一張卡片，上面寫著：“非常感謝您的漂亮的結婚禮物，我們期待著不久就用到它。”